How many times have you sat down with the family to watch the latest big-budget Hollywood blockbuster on a Saturday night, desperate for your fix of choreographed violence, laughably unlikely plotlines, frustratingly child-friendly sex scenes and grossly exaggerated pyrotechnic displays" We?ve got a lot to thank the likes of Scorsese, Tarantino and Spielberg for. You can be rest assured that whenever one of these top Tinseltown movie directors appears on the Jonathan Ross show spouting about their latest flick, it?s surely the kind of thing that?ll have audiences on the very edges of their cinema seats. Or their sofas, if they can be arsed to wait for it to come out on VHS. Or Blue-ray DVD. Or Netflix. Or something.

The fighting, the shagging and the needless explosions are all part of the cinematic experience, and although they seldom have anything to do with the actual storyline, we, the audience, love a bit of it. It?s all a bit over the top, but that?s fine, that?s what you sign up to when you pay through the nose for a cinema ticket. But there has to be a line drawn at some point.
Now where you draw that line is up to you, but I?ll tell you where I draw mine. I draw the line at the humble car and bike chase. I don?t mind the idea of it; the baddy is in a car, so the goody steals a bike to make his escape – that?s fine. But it?s never as simple as that.

First of all, the protagonist, riding one handed, always manages to find a few hundred rou...